A Review of My Wife

So this year marks the 3rd anniversary of my marriage to a wonderful woman. Today is the day is our very special day.

I’ve decided that I’m going to keep her. And I wanted to write a review highlighting some reasons why.

Personality – 50.36 million out of 5 stars

Awesomeness – 42.8  million out of 5 stars

Attractiveness – 1.9 billion out of 5 stars

Coolness –  11.29 million out of 5 stars

Mommyness – 2.65 billion out of 5 stars

Wifeness – 2.75 billion out of 5 stars

Overall Rating – 57.98 billion ^2.3 millionth power out of 5 stars

I don’t care if the math doesn’t add up, the numbers are still true.


My wife is the most wonderful person, kind, caring, and funny. We’ve weathered some storms over these three short years but she’s been such a strong yet gentle woman through it all. She is incredibly loving and understanding. You can’t help but want to get to know her and be her friend.


Okay, my wife is just totally awesome. When we were hiking during our North Shore mini-vacation she mentioned to me that she might not want to hike the Superior Trail (275-mile hike from Duluth, MN to Canada) because she was concerned that the trail was too close to the road in sections and wouldn’t give her the experience of being out in the wilderness…..HOW AWESOME IS THAT. She went from only camping in a RV/camper to now wanting to backpack over 200+ miles away from civilization….. totally awesome!

Oh yea, and she wants to take some overnight/extended kayaking trips too. Backpack and climb in multiple foreign countries….wanted to add that in case the above section wasn’t awesome enough for you.


My wife is a smoking hottie. I will go no further about the intimate details or her hotness level, but needless to say scientist believe her smoking hottness might be the sole cause for global warming. We’re stilling being eco-friendly just in case, but the evidence speaks for itself.


My wife took up climbing and now she loves it. Has embraced the outdoors (birthed from my passion) as if it’s her own. She’s just about done knitting me my own merino wool cap and it’s about to do several more for me. Learned how to cook healthy food and do it exceptionally well. Learned how to cook fish and now does it better than I do. Start doing more outdoor recreation activities and now is a regular at the gym with me despite not having an athletic background and she considers herself a non-athlete. Unlike other men I enjoy sharing these adventures with my wife and all of these activities together. I mean how cool is all that. Her coolness and hotness often leave the house very steamy…..it’s like our own rainforest, macaws and toucans now nest and live in our loft.

Oh yea and she might be taking up yoga and she’s done a whole lot to come out of her comfort zone to try to accept new things.


She’s a full-time employee but still gives our son her all. Oh did I mention that she’s not his biological mother? His biological mother passed away and she stepped in when he was 2, a very tough age. Our son loves her dearly and you’d never know she didn’t birth him. She also took our daughter full-term even when she was diagnosed with a terminal birth defect. Took good care of her too, our daughter was a chunky little thing. She’s supports him and made sure he got into a good Spanish Immersion school. She’s always checked out every place he’s ever been schooled at. She rocks as a mom.


The woman takes wonderful care of me and the fact that she married me says it all. You can’t name many women who would marry a widower with a disability. She loves me and if she never did anything else that earns her all the wifeness stars she deserves.


Unfortunately she’s a custom-made wonderful, tremendous, extraordinary gorgeous outdoor mama. You can find her at REI, or Midwest Mountaineering but she’s not for sale. Nope instead she’s upping all her points hunting for gear, getting some more Mountain Hardwear, and sending some more routes. She’s certainly not for sale, and even if she was chances are you couldn’t afford her, because she’s priceless.

Happy Anniversary!


Your Bionic Man!

Categories: Insight | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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